i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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