I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
