Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
