Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
