This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
