I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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