Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
