3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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