when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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