we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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