i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
