i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
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in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
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The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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