he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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