yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
