I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
