I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
