the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
