I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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