I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
