His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
