He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She's not a foreskin expert like you
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
