I bet he comes in French.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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