mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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