But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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