he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
