since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
