He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
