How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize