I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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