she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize