toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
