I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
