Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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