I could have mohawked her pubes.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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