I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
