I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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