just tell him i said nine months
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
