i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Someone signed my nipple.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
