what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
