I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
