Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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