He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
