Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
