piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
