I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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