Got a toothbrush?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
