Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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