4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Me too!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
