we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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