are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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