seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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