Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How external is "for external use only"?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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