I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
