Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I am naked and annoyed.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
