no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize