I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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