i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
