You can't motorboat a personality
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dicks are not precious.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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