I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
