so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
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What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
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The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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