yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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