Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
