Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not! (1-512): well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number http://tfl.nu/3fc4
  Replies (21) Good night (680) Bad night (3183)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  ...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): ...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!? http://tfl.nu/yk7e
  Replies (19) Good night (604) Bad night (4778)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper. http://tfl.nu/rcv4
  Replies (76) Good night (4772) Bad night (1953)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected. http://tfl.nu/ilck
  Replies (53) Good night (1207) Bad night (10718)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game http://tfl.nu/osln
  Replies (23) Good night (5664) Bad night (930)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work http://tfl.nu/ppy0
  Replies (16) Good night (1671) Bad night (3652)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus. http://tfl.nu/dneq
  Replies (8) Good night (1039) Bad night (2966)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure. http://tfl.nu/up4h
  Replies (11) Good night (2496) Bad night (986)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails. http://tfl.nu/6r5a
  Replies (8) Good night (914) Bad night (2577)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month. http://tfl.nu/869w
  Replies (3) Good night (2122) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve. http://tfl.nu/g7kr
  Replies (2) Good night (423) Bad night (1024)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila http://tfl.nu/iq3c
  Replies (0) Good night (284) Bad night (439)
• Favorite

  (085): View more from

  I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (085): I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper http://tfl.nu/5ugi
  Replies (6) Good night (838) Bad night (209)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives 

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives  http://tfl.nu/o3zv
  Replies (5) Good night (201) Bad night (789)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter http://tfl.nu/2kon
  Replies (1) Good night (450) Bad night (150)

Randomize