My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs