I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball