If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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