Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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