Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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