Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
